how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
