My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
