Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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