Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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