worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
