ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
