I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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