It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
