OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
