My friends, they love my intelligence
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
