i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
