I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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