i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
