the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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