i permit you to call me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
