it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
