Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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