Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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