This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
