Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
