i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
