I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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