South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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