I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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