please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
