u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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