I CAN MOONWALK!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
