The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
