Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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