Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
