One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
