he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
