Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
