Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
