Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
