If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
