Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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