Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
