i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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