I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize