Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
