Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
