last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
