I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
