So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
