I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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