I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
