She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize