Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
