and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
