I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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