I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
