Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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