It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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