there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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