I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
