haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Houston, we have a blender
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
