Three words: puerto rican gang bang
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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