We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
