u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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