This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
