you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
