is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
