yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
BRING THE BAGELS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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