I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
