Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
