I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
