and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
