I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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