I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
