I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
