can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
