you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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