He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
