ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
