you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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